Hyena Attack

On Sunday I was taking a very casual morning walk down Shaugnessy Street. While on my walk I noticed some rabid hyenas approaching from the opposite side of the street. Next thing I know they cross the street in front of me and surround me with my back against the wall of the Dairy Queen. I didn't know what the heck to do so I looked in my neon green fanny pack for some weapons. All I found were two band-aids, a granola bar and surprisingly enough a leopard print thong. I was freaking out but in those moments I realized that I had to play it cool and wait for my chance to strike. I pulled out my granola bar and calmly began to chew it and I whispered "make a move". One of the hyenas ran at me and I ripped off my fanny pack and began to viciously beat the hyena with it. I kept hitting it with the fanny pack and went all out like Kratos in the game God of War. Eventually after twenty more hits the beast lay dead and the other hyenas were getting nervous. Finally another hyena began to run at me and I back flipped over it like a ninja. I then pulled out the thong and begin to strangle the other hyena. The second hyena had no chance and it too was dead. Then the entire pack charged at me and began to scratch and bite me and I yelled for help. Suddenly I noticed Trevor and Chuck Norris walking down the street together. I signalled them and they ran at the hyenas. Both Trevor and Chuck began to roundhouse kick the ones that were left. I thanked them and then they left to go roundhouse kick more animals.

I patched up my wounds with the two band-aids I had. They were not enough though because I began to lose a lot of blood. I headed to a pay phone and called 911. I went to the hospital and got a rabies shot and some stitches. It was a weird and surprising day but it was very interesting too.

If I Was a Cartoon Character

If I could be any cartoon character I would be Randy Marsh father of Stan Marsh from South Park.

If I was Randy Marsh I would be a very sociable and outgoing character who would spend most of my time doing activities besides my job. These would include playing World of Warcraft when I'm at work, getting in fights with other father's at my son's baseball games and many other idiotic activities. I would also be a very caring parent towards my son Stan and being very involved in his life by making sure he adds his grandmother on Facebook and helping him cheat on his Pinewood Derby car by adding in a part of the Large Hadron Collider.

In my spare time I would go to the Drunken Clam and hang out with other cartoon characters like Fred Flinstone, Optimus Prime and Brian Griffin. We would spend the day talking about work (if we did work at all) and our every day adventures. I would hang out with Fred Flinstone because he is an underdog type of guy who I could really connect with. I would hang out with Optimus Prime because every group needs a tough guy and he can transform into a truck so he could drive me around wherever I feel like going. Brian Griffin would also be an awesome person to hang out with because he has Liberal political views like me and because he is an intelligent dog who I could have long conversations with. If I was linked romantically with any cartoon character it would be with Randy's wife Sharon. I wouldn't be involved with any other cartoon character because I am not an unfaithful person unlike cartoon characters such as Glenn Quagmire.

I see myself going on crazy adventures usually started by Stan and his friends as well as adventures parodying something political or involving a crazy celebrity. I also see myself going on adventures with my cartoon friends like Optimus Prime and Brian Griffin. These would include battling the Decepticons and going on a road trip with Brian and his friend Stewie. My adventures would usually end up with me getting the ridicule of my son Stan who would think I am being an idiot.

That is how I would see myself in the cartoon universe.