Hyena Attack

On Sunday I was taking a very casual morning walk down Shaugnessy Street. While on my walk I noticed some rabid hyenas approaching from the opposite side of the street. Next thing I know they cross the street in front of me and surround me with my back against the wall of the Dairy Queen. I didn't know what the heck to do so I looked in my neon green fanny pack for some weapons. All I found were two band-aids, a granola bar and surprisingly enough a leopard print thong. I was freaking out but in those moments I realized that I had to play it cool and wait for my chance to strike. I pulled out my granola bar and calmly began to chew it and I whispered "make a move". One of the hyenas ran at me and I ripped off my fanny pack and began to viciously beat the hyena with it. I kept hitting it with the fanny pack and went all out like Kratos in the game God of War. Eventually after twenty more hits the beast lay dead and the other hyenas were getting nervous. Finally another hyena began to run at me and I back flipped over it like a ninja. I then pulled out the thong and begin to strangle the other hyena. The second hyena had no chance and it too was dead. Then the entire pack charged at me and began to scratch and bite me and I yelled for help. Suddenly I noticed Trevor and Chuck Norris walking down the street together. I signalled them and they ran at the hyenas. Both Trevor and Chuck began to roundhouse kick the ones that were left. I thanked them and then they left to go roundhouse kick more animals.

I patched up my wounds with the two band-aids I had. They were not enough though because I began to lose a lot of blood. I headed to a pay phone and called 911. I went to the hospital and got a rabies shot and some stitches. It was a weird and surprising day but it was very interesting too.